Sunday, 8 October 2017

Mind and Body have a conversation late on Sunday night....

(From tuning-in to listen within following getting fed-up with feeling grumpy about having moved house and being about to renovate said house whilst pretending I'm not missing my old house....)

Mind: It’s all ok. Nothing’s wrong, just different, and things are reminiscent of the old days in their decor, sense, look...

Body: Don’t like. Want soft, clean, dry, light, space, surfaces, Tree House.

Mind: Well, I know, but things have changed now; we’re in a new phase of our life and it’s exciting. And we’re still so lucky in all we have.

Body: Don’t like. Don’t know. Don’t understand. Confused.

Mind: I’m here to guide you so don’t fret so. What’s worrying you so?

Body: Want shower. No shower. Want bath. No bath. Want clean mugs. No hot water. Want chop fruit. Nowhere to chop. Want to sit in soft chair. No soft chair. Want favourite books. Packed in a box. Want that box. Too many to un-do. Want sit down and settle. We keep going and going. Up and down - long car rides. Eyes want to see things which will stay. Instead eyes yes seeing things which will go very soon. Ears want to hear the sea. Ears hearing cars and broken floorboards creaking. Nose wants to smell sea. Nose smelling old house and not smelling sea. Eyes seeing rats and rat droppings....

Mind: Don’t worry about that; we’ll get the rats, you see. And the floorboards will be mended - it’s nothing. And we can shower at friends. And we’ll get a sofa as soon as the work is finished. And we can go live near the sea again one day. And the books will soon be on new shelves. And the new kitchen will have wide surfaces for chopping fruit, and hot, hot water all day....

Body:....want it Now. 

Mind: Impatience isn’t going to help. You know that....

Body: Don’t know that. Only know the Now compared to the data in my cells of old experiences. Liked the old experiences in that bright roomy house  - soft, clean, dry, light, space, surfaces.... They fitted me very, very well. Now + previous data is not computing. Now data upsetting. The result is grump.

Mind: Cheer up Head; there are so many worse off than us.

Body: I don’t dispute. That is you and Heart’s job. My job is feeling and giving you that information so you can make wise decisions for us. And I yearn for old data. Familiar data at least. Current data too strange. And you’re not listening to me. So, grump.

Mind: Hey! You’re meant to feel what I tell you to! And I’m telling you that all is well, we can do this thing. We can make discoveries about all sorts of creative and innovative means to get through the ‘interesting times’ of renovating a house. Sort of grown-up play! Come on, lighten up?

Body: No; don’t feel light. Feel heavy and clunky. Grumpy. Scratchy. Chalk on blackboard. Tongue on wooden ice-cream stick. Fingernails on polystyrene. Want somewhere to rest. To stop. To be still. To be held. To land. To feel safe. To stay in the same place for more than four days. To take time to know where the hell I am.

Mind: Attached to me, of course! Silly!

Body: Silly? Silly? Mind, it’s about time you remembered that listening to me is the only way. Argh, you and your imagination - mostly about how you think I am feeling! How I am coping - not! And what I might want or actually need!

Mind: Oh. Sorry. Yes. I guess so. I was just trying to reassure you all was, and will be, well. And all I was doing was using my worrying mind to reassure my worrying mind!

Body: Well, if you’d listened to me sooner for a nanosecond you’d have discovered why that’s really not working. Thanks for the good intention, but I’m the one who gets to tell you how you’re feeling, not your grandly assumptive mind! And I’m grumpy!!! And grumpy comes from uncertainty. And tiredness. And I’m tired from being uncertain most of the time. I’m in a new place. One that I gather is going to change again as it’s renovated so I can’t even get used to it. I don’t ‘get’ the place. I don’t much like it. And I miss where I loved so very much. I miss it. I yearn for it. I know you don’t want to think about our old home, and as a mind you know not thinking about it can be a way forward, but as a body, nothing will change the missing of it other than time. And a companion and witness in this time would be really, really nice. And I’d like it to be you. Please can we work together? I am tired of being squashed and ignored. And that’s why you’re tired. We need to listen to each other and respond accordingly the best way we can. At the moment you are riding rough-shod over me, dragging me disrespectfully behind you in the dust. And you wonder at the grumpiness in you! Yes, it’s me! I am grumpy!

Mind: Oh, Body, I am so sorry. Yes, you are so right. I have been so busy with all the plans and new work and old work and travelling and where to sleep, and, and. and....  And yes, I haven’t asked you how you feel because I didn’t want to feel your feelings; I don’t feel I have time to feel things because there is so much to do and fit in and get going. Plus, we can’t go back. We don’t live there any more - Tree House or Cornwall. But we are lucky in all we have. It is scary. It is new. It is odd. It is strange. It is cramped, dark, old, smelly, creaky. We can’t find things. We are having to do without favourite things for a little while. But I know I know that even having these things is a blessing, even if boxed up, because so many have nothing. But I know that isn’t Body language - you just feel as you experience - and I haven’t taken the time to speak with you, hear you, sense you, soothe you, and no wonder you’re in a grump. And no wonder today you grumped into irritation and fluster.... Would you feel happier if you had me being fully aware of all of you?

Body: I would. Would you feel happier if you actually saw, heard and sensed me instead of pretending you are but twisting my messages into lies?

Mind: Ah, since you put it so succinctly, yes. I don’t quite know how we’ll do this 24/7 because there’s a lot I have to get on with....

Body:....through and with me though; I am your earth-suit remember...!

Mind: Ah, yes... Well, is it ok if I don’t check in with you every nano-second because, well, I think I’d go nuts.

Body: Why?

Mind: Well, because some things just have To Get Done and I don’t think I have the head-space to be that aware right now. If I check in with you lots to see how you’re doing though...? How often?

Body: Hmm, well, ok... I reckon check-in every ten minutes? We’ll see what that does, but I’ll shout if I need to in the interim minutes? And if you would be willing to just keep a brain cell or two focussed on me all the time...? A light awareness? That would be great. I wont feel totally abandoned then. And I know you think you have been doing just this, but remember that moment earlier today when you saw you were thinking about looking after me but were actually just playing lip-service to me...? 

Mind: Er, yes....

Body: Well, make it real? For us? Please? And, yes, we can do this, but together - a pair, a team, not two-ones? Dear of you; you think you’re so clever, but you can’t do this without me. And I’d rather grump at you now to remind you of this than have to scream later on through something far more severe than a mood! So, you and me? Together? You using your immense computing ability and me my immense sensing ability? Then we can be ‘Knowing and Gnowing go forth’?

Mind: You’re such a star, Body. Thank you. Thank you so, so much. Sleep well now.

Body: You too. Good night.

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