When self-damning comes for tea...

So, what happens when every tip is forgotten, every truth we know is questioned, every principle resisted, and our sense of self denied...? The opposite of everything they offer seems to turn up - and the day goes pear-shaped and we feel horrible?  

The mind, 'The Awesome Power of the Mind' as George Zaluki's training series called it back in the 90's. I know what he meant, that we need to use it constructively, but I have also never forgotten his words at those times when the mind 'goes off on one'....running out of control like a bolting horse dragging me - as it does us all at times - through low-slung branches of pessimism, across gorges full of snapping 'what ifs', and rivers of turbulent dramas. Yes, the mind is disappointingly powerful then, and the day goes rapidly downhill.

So, how to get it back under control, or as I prefer, back as our friend again? Well, wrestling anything only serves to create a lot of noise and bluster. There might be a winner but also a loser, and at best there'll be bloodied noses and scraped knees for sure. "What we resist persists", so what else can we do? Surrender. 

Surrender? Surely not? Give in? Wont we drown and everything go wrong? 'We get what we think' and all that manifesting stuff..... But no, we're thinking it anyway, resistance or not. It's there isn't it, all the gloom and doom? Resistance can't exist against nothing. That's why we're looking for something positive to 'snap into'; if we want to 'snap out of it' I guess we are snapping into somewhere else. No, for me this is a time for observation - deep observation of what is going on. Especially if it is a familiar cast of feelings on the  stage - a time to learn much and heal another layer.

So, what are the tips, truths, and principles? And where is the denied self? 
Tip #1 - "I'm having a human moment" seems too simple, but strangely effective; the first place to get is off one's own back - it's hard to move with all that weight on our selves! Having got off, let's look at The Four Agreements....

1. "Be impeccable with the word - especially to one's self": Hmm, well, do you hear all those whispers in the wings as you give your bold and positive soliloquy on stage? "I am powerful, I am strong and beautiful, I see everything going well, I am one with everything, all will be well, this is meant....." You know your script, I know mine....only now I don't bother with that and begin to hear to those unimpeccable wing-hissers as soon as I can.... "There you are, told you you were no good". "If only you had/hadn't done...." "Anyone could see that wasn't going to work." "You've always got it wrong." You'll never get this right; everything you do always goes wrong." Nah, nah, nah-de-nah... On and on and on - all the things we have ever heard said to us in our lives, and while we're at it, let's add in the best we've heard said to others too. Oh, and if we feel really bad, let's add in a few tasty exagerations and self-damning expletives as well. But, through my agreeing to listen to them I have the light shining on them, I can see them, and already they are shrinking in the light. And in the seeing of them, often something will 'come up' from the past - some long-buried memory that has me 'feel' it at a deep level beyond the mind's drama, and I 'see' it as if for the first time. In that seeing, something bursts - like bubble-wrap - because I can now not only see, but feel that it isn't so, very likely never was, and certainly isn't now. And then I can begin to be truly impeccable with my word to myself - "Hey girl, hang in there; you're worth it, you know your truth, you know you're worth being able to live without these thoughts and ghostly beliefs. That was their story, not yours. Something's just come up to be sorted out. Now, what can we do about this Now situation - what's next?"

2. "Don't take anything personally": unless I choose to do so! Which, if I am being unimpeccable with my word to my self, and beating myself 'senseless' (perfect word - think about it!), I will be doing. But who wouldn't feel like taking it personally if someone said, "I don't believe you can"? There is however, in truth, never any need to believe this because the words will be coming from the other's take on life, from their own story and not yours, but if you are the speaker to yourself, yes, it's close up and very personal!! So, it's back to #1 again.

3. "Don't make assumptions": Ah yes, well, there it is - I can now see many of those assumptions which were hidden in the mayhem. "It's impossible, I can't do it" - a big, generic assumption - often taken personally in the years before. But put impeccably it looks like this, "It is possible, but right now I feel it isn't, and I can't see how it could be." That leads me straight out of the loneliness with it and into, "Who can I ask for support and/or advice?" Sometimes there will be someone obvious, and always there the voice of my Higher Power, or my soul, and to who's wisdom I am now open.

4. "Always do your best - bearing in mind that your best will vary day to day, moment to moment": And in this moment of 'things not good', your best might not feel very best at all. And that's ok, that's where the surrender lies. Surrender to purpose, surrender to the moment, gently bringing your presence to all the feelings it contains; the feelings are here to tell you something. However, sometimes before we can do this, there is a part of us that actually wants to enjoy the drama. Call it ego, call it habit, call it just the part of us that sees the light in life through sometimes acknowledging the dark - and we can't do dark cheerfully or it isn't real dark! So sometimes we could even call it soul wisdom - we have to really Get In There to make a new discovery. But then it's back to to self-kindness and the moving through and out. There's another thing to consider though - why has it become such a sin to occasionally say when asked how we are, "Well, you know, today is just crappy - nothing I can put my finger on, but I just feel bleugh." Then everyone tries to pull us out of it as if we're wrong (again) in being other than happy. How lovely it is to find (or be) someone who just looks at us from their heart, says nothing, and maybe offers a non-healing-hug; one that just Let's Us Be, just as we are in that moment, the best we can be right now - that's unconditional love and it changes everything. But first we need to consider that as a possibility for our selves.

So, a tip, four principles - or new agreements - the truth re-vealed, uncovered again from where it always was, the truth being that we are wonderful beings of light having a human experience. Gorgeously messy and delightfully willing. When we forget this and imagine ourselves to be only gorgeous when winning, when in dinner suit and ball-gown, when smiling and dancing, it all gets very hard. It's as if we are knitting with ships' ropes - extremely cumbersome! So, let's remember our beauty is always there - sometimes in a very soggy and cross way, sometimes in moments of complete confusion, sometimes in blank grey nothingness, but like the clouds, these days will blow away. And let's consider some small gratitude for the 'crappy days'? These are the days of change, growth and progress, the days where we create our true glory.