On commitment....

Commitment....

....now, there’s a word and a half! And one that’s been on my mind each day as I see the little note on the worktop, or in my diary - moving around, never being thrown away, never getting lost - that says, “Write a piece on commitment for Patricia”. As in, the piece is for Patricia, not commitment for Patricia. Or is it? Of course it is; my commitment to and for Patricia in doing what I said I would do when she asked me to write on this for her newsletter. It is me doing the thing I said I would do, long (!) after the mood/time I said it in had left me. 

Shall I say that again? “Commitment is doing the thing you said you would do, long after the mood you said it in has left you.” 

I heard it over 20 years ago from a great man in America, George Zaluki. His work is all about each of us living the life of the champions we are - no matter in what arena, even if it’s working in the store. And George’s other powerful statement that has never left me is this, “The only thing mankind has is their word. And how cheaply they use it.”

Those words silenced an audience of 5,000 people into pin-drop silence. And why would they not? Everything we see, use, play with, work with, go to, desire and dream about is made up of words.... Words are our paint in life. So we need to wake up and make sure we paint pictures worth painting with them. Yes, how cheaply we use them, especially when we say we’ll do something but we don’t. This is how we often paint with the word commitment: “I’ll do it until....” “I know I said I would but....” “I’ll do it as long as...” Yet commitment, like love, doesn’t function under conditions, because commitment is love - love for the other and love for yourself, both automatically including respect.

If we want our world to run smoothly, maybe it would be good to look at this word ‘commitment’. We spend so much of our lives bemoaning how things haven’t turned out as we hoped, people haven’t kept their word - often even saying or thinking, “Probably wont happen; usually doesn’t...”.  If you look at it, when we are even just a little upset about something, it’s to do with something in life that isn’t turning out the way it ‘should’.... And what is this ‘should’? It’s often to do with something promised by someone else.... “I’ll be there on Tuesday.” And then, “Oh, you know I said I could help on Tuesday....? Well, sorry, something’s come up and I can’t.” (I am going to hazard a guess that, with scrutiny, this sounds familiar from both sides.) So another gram of trust dies - not because of disappointment, but because we innately know their, or our own, word has not been kept. 

As we move through life, from fairy story to religion as children, through science and literature in school, from TV, media, and conversations later in life, what we’re promised is all too rarely what happens. And the most painful is from those who are meant to care about us. As a child we might rant and rail, cry and stamp our feet until we ‘learn to grow up’ (aka, suppress the lot) when we meet with that heart crushing disappointment that we know is an excuse, but what do we do with it as adults? I suggest we become slightly cynical, closed down, heavy with resignation, pessimistic, and lose our trust in what people say - even if some of us head for spirituality and the healing world to handle or heal the wounds from these times.

So, what are these disappointments? Are they truly about the things that con’t happen because they are out of our control? I say not. “Huh?” you might be saying. Commitment could be put another way - Commitment is the automatic result of people keeping their word. It’s in fact a circular event; I say I will (my word), and I do. Or I do, so I have kept my word. If people keep their word, no matter their mood change, disappointment becomes far less of an issue.

Of course there are things in life that occur to change plans - the weather being a major one! Illness. Family needs. And even a change of mood! But, big but, if we use these as excuses when they are not true, we are not being relieved of our commitment; we are lying. And because we know we do it, we think that it is likely the other is doing it to us. So we lose trust in them because we have no trust in ourselves. If something has truly ‘come up’ for us, we can tell the other honestly by using the power of our word to convey this fact to them. Then, with the growth of commitment and honesty, trust grows and a great deal of unnecessary disappointment shrinks, especially the ‘heart-crushing disappointment’ that has far more to do with being lied to, of not seeming important enough, than the missing out on something looked forward to. Our hearts are wise and sensitive, and we just know when we are being spun a yarn, because we know when we are doing it, and we re-cognise it.... 

So, as my aunt, Esme Crampton, wrote in her book ‘Good Words Well Spoken’ many years ago, “To thine own self be true’ because (a) you haven’t time for anything else, and (b) your own integrity is the longest running thread of your communicating life.”

If you are true to yourself, if you are impeccable with your word, if you hold everyone in your heart as your co-aspect of divinity, commitment will simply be there in your life in spades. We don’t ‘do’ commitment, we don’t need to learn commitment, we don’t have to put it on like a heavy coat, we are commitment; our very essence is commitment, unless we choose to forget that.

So, even if you are healed from past disappointments and it doesn’t hurt any more, change the old habits to be the change we need to see; do what you say. Remember ‘Ah, but I didn’t promise’ is the biggest let down to, and of, your self that you will ever allow. Use the mirror as your conscience and watch the world change with your growth in commitment.... And even if it takes far too long to write the piece you promised, write it!